When I was a kid, I grew up in an English household in a French village outside of Montreal. In that little village, all day long, people would talk funny and say strange sentences like “Monday, y va falloir que t’ailles au dépanneur changer quat’ trente-sous pour une piasse.” My 4-year old brain could not compute what was being said. Why did they have to go to the corner store on Monday? Where was this mysterious 30-cent coin they spoke of? What was a piasse?

By high school, I’d begun to grasp the fine subtleties of the language, the intricate merging of English into French, the Québécois patois. Monday in this instance is not Monday at all. No, ladies and gentleman. It sounds like Monday but in fact, it is short for mon idée, as in “my idea” or in my opinion.

Indeed, things aren’t always what they seem in French Canadian. For example “dewow” is not meant to represent awe, amazement, Le Wow! It is, quite simply, the French word dehors for outside as said by my grand-ma, sometimes with her teeth in, sometimes without, in which case the ‘d’ was a little muffled but the whole word was phonetically wrong anyways so it didn’t make much of a difference. Bless her soul.

A while back, in a Nablopomo of yore, I wrote a post on funny little expressions the Québécois use. Seeing as there are so many indigenous French Canadian expressions, I couldn’t possibly sum them up in one post and so today, I present to you “Expressions Part Deux: En bon Québécois”.

Gelée comme une crotte

Literal translation: Frozen like a little poo
Meaning: Have you ever seen dog poo on the sidewalk in the winter? It becomes as hard as a hockey puck. That’s how cold it gets in Québec. We freeze like little poo pellets.
How to use it: I can see there’s a meter of snow outside but is it cold? J’suis gelée comme une crotte, osti!

Etre dans les patates

Literal translation: Being in the potatoes
Meaning: In a state of confusion. Not knowing what you’re talking about.
How to use it: If someone says to you: “Mercury is the biggest planet in the solar system.” You can let them know they are “being in the potatoes” with a simple T’es din patates, man!

J’ai mon voyage

Literal translation: I have my trip
Meaning: Expressing awe or exasperation or both at the same time, if you fancy. The English equivalent might be “Shut! Up!” Or, “I’m fed up! I’ve had enough of this s$@%”.
How to use it:  Sarah is dancing naked in the village fountain again.  J’ai mon voyage.

Assis-toi sur ton steak

Literal translation: Sit on your steak
Meaning: Sit your butt down and take it easy/shut up. The “sit down” bit is clear and it can take on a different meaning depending on tone and circumstance. The steak part, however, is totally whack and makes no sense what-so-ever.
How to use it: “Come in, come in. Assis-toi sur ton steak. I’ll grab you a beer and some ketchup chips.” Or alternatively “Come in young lady. Assis-toi sur ton steak. We need to have a serious talk about your poutine addiction.”

Mange un char de marde

Literal translation: Eat a car full o crap
Meaning: In Québec, we don’t just tell people to eat shit, we tell them to eat a whole car full of it. We’re classy that way.
How to use it: Use as needed.

Je cogne des clous

Literal translation: I’m hammering nails
Meaning: I’m tired. The expression refers to when you fall asleep and your head starts knocking and how it resembles the action of a hammer hitting a nail.
How to use it: I have to pull over and grab a large double double at Timmy’s, je cogne des clous.

Tomber dans les pommes

Literal translation: Falling in the apples.
Meaning: Fainting/ losing consciousness.
How to use it: Can you believe the Montreal Canadians won the Stanley Cup? My God! Jai faillis tombé dans’ pommes.

J’ai les yeux dans’ graisse de binnes

Literal translation: My eyes are in the bean lard
Meaning: Expression of fatigue.
How to use it: What time did you get home from the hockey game last night? 2 heure du mat. J’ai les yeux dans’ graisse de binnes.

Péter de la broue / Péter plus haut que le trou

Literal translation: Farting foam, froth, bubbles or farting higher than the hole (I’ll leave you to infer that one)
Meaning: Being pretentious, a show off or the kind of person who loves to hear the sound of their own voice. In other words, people who think their shit don’t stink.
How to use it: For example, if someone goes on and on about their collection of vintage Hermès bags, you might say:“Non mais, c’est une vraie péteuse de broue celle-là avec ses maudits sacs Hermès”

Ayoye!

Literal translation: Ayoye!
Meaning: Ouch! or Wow! Not so much a word as an exclamation.
How to use it: “You won the robot dance competition? Ayoye!” = Wow! “Ayoye! J’ai cogné mon pinky sur la boîte à bois.” = Ouch!

And my personal favourite:

Swing la bacaisse dans l’fond d’la boîte à bois

Literal translation: Swing the “back ease” at the bottom of the wood box
Meaning: The “back ease” is like a tarp used to transport wood logs in from outside. The expression is meant as an invitation for the person who just came in from the wood shed to drop their load and join the party. It’s like the do-si-do of square dancing except in the tradition of call and response songs (an old folk custom in Québec).
How to use it: Next time you sing a call and response song, just throw a little Swing la bacaisse dans l’fond d’la boîte à bois in there. The great thing about it is you can say it anywhere and it’ll sound good.

P.S. “Monday, y va falloir que t’ailles au dépanneur changer quat’ trente-sous pour une piasse,” means “I think you’re going to have to go to the corner store to change those four quarters for a dollar”. Why they say 30 cents for something that is worth 25 cents, I will never know.

She’s not going to win any spelling bee competitions any time soon, but my 6-year old self sure can rock the x’s and o’s and she definitely knows something about the important things in life.

Whoever you are, wherever you are, I hope your heart is happy.

xxx ooo

this our new house as it currently stands
it’s a bit like this scene from money pit

it is both daunting and exciting
and it’s going to require a hell of a lot of imagination
and time
and work

as all good things do

They say it takes 30 to 60 days to break an old habit and form a shiny new one.

Easier said than done.

When you stop doing something you’ve practiced for as long as you can remember, your entire being takes notice and lets you know in no uncertain terms that it’s not necessarily pleased with you and your silly hippy dippy ‘detox’ ways. Your habits have, after all, spent a lifetime forging neuron pathways and convincing your brain they’re essential to your survival. They will not go away without putting up a fight and it can sometimes feel like your habits have dominion over your life.

What if I’ve managed to convince myself over the years that I am the way I am and there’s nothing I can do about it? That it’s interwoven in my genetic code. That the Caron impatience is simply a gene and removing it would essentially be akin to cutting off a limb, which is to say impossible, so…, oh well.

But what if it isn’t a gene? What if it’s just an accumulation of rust and calcium deposits on an old piece of machinery that no longer serves a purpose? What if impatience is simply a habit? What if habits are learned, not instinctual? What if it’s possible to unlearn them? Can you teach an old dog a new trick?

If it takes 30 days to stop craving sugar, booze, cigarettes… how long does it take to drop the baggage that you’ve accumulated over a life time? The little habits that have created your character– imprinted like the crow’s-feet etched into the soft skin at the corners of your eyes.

Could I not as easily smile in traffic, in a queue, when the Internet connection is tortoisely slow, as opposed to letting anger bubble up in me like hot lava– so quickly and violently and without notice? Couldn’t I just as easily chill out, see it as an opportunity to make a cup of tea or read a book? Why does impatience get the first say in the matter? Why does everything have to happen right this second?

The good news is my neurons are not made of steel. They are elastic, moldable and changeable with enough time and effort.

The bad news is, I’ve got a nasty case of what the Greeks called “akrasia”: the state of mind in which someone acts against their better judgement through weakness of will.

I managed to stop complaining for a month. I went teetotal for 30 days. I’ve trained for 30k runs and 3 peak challenges and stopped putting milk and sugar in my coffee after spending 5 days in Paris in 2005. Surely, I can tackle impatience? Small (little impatient) potatoes.

What if the next 30 days were a different kind of detox? What if I took control of the feeling before it took hold of me? What if it was as simple as breathing through it? I wouldn’t know. I’ve never tried. Maybe it’s time that I do.

“The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken” Dr Johnson