day 3 – crazy little thing called love
Not even two years into our marriage and Joe and I have found ourselves in the all-too familiar toxic terrain of most married couples– Nagville. That place where one is so hell bent on focusing on the boxer shorts lying on the bathroom floor (are they going to walk themselves to the hamper?) or that sucking sound he does with his teeth (must you do that?) or how he spends too much time on his bloody phone (seriously?).
We all do it, don’t we ladies?
I recently read about a study, which found that wives spend “7,920 minutes a year nagging their husbands about household chores, their drinking and their health. That’s the equivalent of five and a half days.” Crickey! I don’t know about you but I’m pretty sure I have better things to do with those five and a half days than nagging my husband.
This toxic habit is something that absolutely must be nipped in the bud before it becomes the thing that breaks you. A nasty little parasite that slowly eats away at your marriage, leaving both partners feeling depleted. It’s hypercritical, disrespectful, manipulative, and, quite frankly, it’s not very nice.
And so, Joe and I decided for the month of October to write something every night that we were grateful for in the other. Directing our focus on the small things that we do for each other doesn’t negate the annoying sucking sound or the iPhone addiction but it does make me realise that the good far outweighs the bad.
Sure, I’m manic about the domestic chores because I care about having a clean house. It’s just not as important to him. But what he is good at, is taking me into his arms when I’m a hormonal lunatic and saying “What’s going on here? Talk me through it?” followed by some ridiculous invented-on-the-spot nickname or an endearing “You are a very silly person”, which always has the desired effect of calming me down. And that is worth way more than a pair of boxer shorts in a hamper.
There will always be wet towels on the bed and those towels will never sprout legs and walk themselves to the towel rack. But picking up the towel for him is a small price to pay for being with a man who not only puts up with my emotional outbursts but also plays along with me when we do our Sunday shopping and I say that our bikes simply must be chained together because they are having a secret love affair and who are we to deny them their crazy bicycle romance?
Little blessings. It’s all about the little blessings.
And there really are so many when you start to focus on them.