38 things to do before i turn 39

Thirty-eight. Thirty-eight? Thirty-eight!

I’ve been repeating it, like a mantra, like a question, like I’ve forgotten something, like you’re pulling my leg? But here it is. The day of the year that I turn 38 and no matter how much time I spend wondering how it happened, it is happening. I tell people that I’m not particularly fussed about turning 38. “It’s only a number”, I say. But the truth is I feel I should have accomplished something with all those years. Something grand. Perhaps that feeling is simply the seed of a midlife crisis. So I thought if I compiled this list, right? This list of things that would make me feel appropriately proud of my 38 years that somehow the number wouldn’t matter so much. Because I want to be the person who doesn’t care about the number. I want to be the woman comfortable in her own skin, all 38 years of it. I want to own those worry wrinkles and laugh lines. I want that inner peace, that freedom, that confidence that certain 40-something women possess. I want those years to empower me, not weaken me.

Oh! But this is becoming all too serious, if not bordering on melancholy. What I really want to say is IT’S MY BIRTHDAY! Screw the existential crisis, bring on the cake! Woop! Woop!

And it’s with this attitude that I ran my hyper caffeinated ass into bed this morning and jumped on top of my poor sleeping husband squealing “Guess what day it is, baby?” and he sang “Happy birthday dear shnoooooogs” in the sweetest sleepy voice and I told him his breath smelled of dead rats and we had a little giggle and I realised that though the age says 38, the personality most certainly says 8… so really, I have nothing to worry about.

But I still love a good list, so, in no particular order… 38 things to do before I turn 39

1. buy a turntable and start a vinyl collection thank you, dear husband
2. take a hip hop dance class
3. go to a car boot sale in search of old mismatched picture frames
4. finally frame honeymoon photos
5. pay off credit card debt
6. adopt a pet
7. go back home for a visit (oh canada) 
8. take a driving lesson in london
9. make elderflower cordial
10. do the 3-peaks challenge 
11. buy a popcorn machine
12. see the arcade fire live (again)
13. write a book
14. hire an accountant (boring, but necessary)
15. apply for a new uk visa (also boring, also necessary)
16. write more letters
17. read moby dick
18. learn how to use a dark room
19. bake cupcakes
20. grow a garden
21. start a family
22. get an article published in uppercase magazine
23. ride a motorcycle
24. get another tattoo
25. swim in the serpentine at hyde park, early morning
26. have a garden party
27. find out where the girls from gifford’s circus get their clothes and dress like this for a day
28. go out dancing with my husband
29. try a new camera
30. see the northern lights
31. sit on someone’s shoulders at an outdoor concert
32. cycle from london to brighton (this weekend)
33. go snow boarding
34. watch casablanca
35. accentuate the positive
36. learn to say no and not feel guilty for it
37. find “my unique scent”, nothing too perfumey, just something that makes people say “you smell nice”
38. let go