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list 19: things i am fearful of

July 20, 2010

inspired by this post, over at sas’ magical mystery tour.

things i am afraid of:

– silent moments with someone i don’t know very well / awkward social situations
– making an ass of myself (though i excel at it… usually due to filling said silent moments with incessant chatter about anything and everything)
– cancer or any other life threatening illness
– tarantulas
– addiction (given addictive personality tendencies)
– growing old
– having food stuck in my teeth
– gaining weight
– losing my mind
– people judging me or not liking me
– commitment
– being an administrative assistant forever
– snowboarding (fear of not being good at it. that, and breaking my head)
– public speaking
– never figuring it out / stagnating / fighting these fears forever
– missing the boat
– always starting, never finishing
– losing someone i love
– having children
– not having children
– pot cookies (i tried them (several times) years ago and each time it felt like death was knocking at my door. that was the worst fear ever)

and, like sas

– dying before i have done everything

still, i think i am doing quite well considering the long list of phobias out there.Β  at least i’m not afraid of rectums and long words (sesquipedalophobia, don’t you know?), france or french culture, snow, peanut butter sticking to the roof of my mouth or the color yellow. because that’s just crazy. (kidding, of course). a fear is a fear no matter what it is and by definition, it is a very scary thing and all i can hope for anyone, including myself, is to live free of them… or at least free of fear that prevents us from moving forward in the direction of our dreams. those are the fears i am working on this year. the tarantula fear can stick around a while longer. i’m cool with it.

11 Comments leave one →
  1. July 20, 2010 12:34 pm

    ” the tarantula fear can stick around a while longer.”

    Helps that you don’t live in tarantula county, I suspect. Might want to stay away from the Grand Canyon for a while.

    Excellent piece, as always.

  2. July 20, 2010 1:21 pm

    it’s funny because the ‘you’ i experience through your blog is SO ‘un’ fearful. guess we all have ’em don’t we. πŸ™‚

    i will so second your kids ones (both of them)…the admin asst one (as i sit typing from my god-awful cube) and funnily enough the pot cookie one. never smoked the stuff…but the one (small) cookie i had sent me so far to the other side of here that i seriously thought i was dying. i had my friend get the paramedics. not something i ever wish to repeat. ever.

    sending you a hello from sunny CA.


  3. July 20, 2010 1:35 pm

    oh honey, me too. so much so…xoxo

  4. July 20, 2010 1:53 pm

    tarantulas are assholes.
    nice list love xxx

  5. July 20, 2010 3:52 pm

    Ditto on the losing someone you love.

  6. July 20, 2010 3:54 pm

    “having food stuck in my teeth”

    I’m totally paranoid about that too! That and never trying to work at something other than my government cubicle-bound job of course.

  7. Helena permalink
    July 20, 2010 7:13 pm

    I don’t think your fears are too ‘out there’ and are in fact pretty normal.

    I’m with you on the ‘losing my mind’ thing. My mom has Alzheimer’s and it’s a horrible thing. I will be going to Nova Scotia in a couple of weeks to put her in a home. Gah! I have a 50/50 chance of also getting Alzheimer’s and so I am already doing my research to either prevent it or at least slow it down.

    Yep, ageing sucks! Just remember that inside every old person is a 25 year old wondering what the hell happened! I will be 52 this summer and I will never ‘act my age’. Life is too short and too exciting to worry about age. I want to live life fully! For that matter, I have a 35 year old Chilean boy who thinks I’m amazing! πŸ˜‰ So there!

    As far as the ‘figuring it out’ thing goes, don’t let people trick you into thinking that they have it all figured out. Most people are also flailing around in life. They’re just good at hiding it. If they’re not, then they’re probably boring. Heh! Someone famous once said, “Not all those who wander are lost.” I totally adhere to that. In order to live an adventurous life you have to wander and keep looking for the next path. Btw, having children is totally an adventure worth doing. Just imagine the child that will be lucky enough to have you for a mom. WOW!

    Commitment? … running away now …

  8. July 21, 2010 10:57 am

    So bold to reveal your fears!!!
    I am not sure I even admit them to myself.
    Except for vertigo and rodents, I try to think of myself as fearless. Which is a big fat lie of course!!!

    PS: you know what the best part is. i was reading your post while listening to your music πŸ˜‰

  9. July 22, 2010 5:48 am

    i love you. πŸ™‚
    i can relate to so many of the things on your list….with the addition of the fear of depression and the fear of standing close to the edge of a cliff.

  10. July 28, 2010 9:32 am

    when i think of it, i am scared of a lot of things. it’s human nature! it must be so freeing to write it all down — sort of an acceptance of sorts. thanks for sharing. πŸ™‚

  11. August 5, 2010 5:01 pm

    Older post, I know, but I say it- you won’t be an administrative assistant forever. Lifetime admin assistants don’t have dreams beyond what they can buy with a paycheck. Temporary admin assistants are the kind who would give up the paycheck if they just had the courage jump off that cliff of routine and security (which isn’t even a cliff to jump off of so much as a doorknob to turn, but you won’t know that till you do it).

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