2010: focus, caron, focus

As we turn the calendar to a new decade, I can’t help but reflect on the past year and make goals for the year ahead.  One usually does that at the birth of the new year but I was too busy making out with a boy to think of such things.  And then, of course, came the mandatory sulking (it would be rude not to after such a high).  But now, NOW, I am back on my feet people and it is time to get with the program.

And so, I am following hoards of bloggers in stating my word for the year.  Resolutions? No thanks.  I’ve learned long ago that I can say them without a problem but come February, I’m all resolutions? What resolutions? As I down another glass of wine, skip my yoga class, watch an episode of Scrubs (oh Zach… I can’t quit you) and order a pizza.  We Geminis apparently lack persistence in achieving set goals. We are a flighty bunch, brimming with enthusiasm and there are only, like, a million gazillion things we want to do, which makes keeping resolutions next to impossible.  Also, I am lazy.  There, I said it.

Resolutions are all up in my business, nagging little creatures nipping at my heels, but a word, a word I can do. An intention I can do.

And so, given the aforementioned lack of persistence that makes up a big part of my genetic code, I’ve decided that my word this year is DISCIPLINE (slash FOCUS). I know.  Boring, right?  Especially when defined as the trait of being well behaved.  Where’s the fun in that? And if you go with the United States Marine Corps’s definition of “Discipline is the instant willingness and obedience to all orders, respect for authority, self reliance and teamwork. The ability to do the right thing even when no one is watching or suffer the consequences of guilt which produces pain in our bodies, through pain comes discipline… well you might as well jump off a cliff.

Hence the need for the slash/ focus.  Discipline indeed feels cold and martial. Focus adds fire to the definition.  The concentration of attention or energy on something; a point of convergence of light.

Last year I was committed to saying yes and showing up for life.  2009 was a year of adventure and hedonism, of exploring extremes and letting loose and going wild. I traveled on my own for 5 weeks in England, Spain and Italy, I had my very first article published in Somerset Life magazine, I went to Squam where I met some of the most kind, amazing, funny, sweet, vivacious, creative, soulful, real, inspiring, beautiful women, I explored rooftops by night and train tracks at dawn, I started rock climbing, I bought a polaroid camera, I photographed my cousin’s wedding, I beat my fear of biking in the city and am now hooked, I painted a wall aubergine, I became an internet addict and a Facebook junkie and a lover of whiskey.  I went out, a lot, and I laughed. I laughed so much.

2009 will no doubt go down as one of the best years of my life, definitely one that will be difficult to top. But in my opinion, there is only way to go and that is UP, therefore I have high hopes for 2010 as well.

However, this year I want to gather all the lessons learned, harness all the energy that poured into me last year in various forms (love, creativity, friendship, freedom), use the courage I found and focus… on health, on career, on finances and creative endeavors.  Because, truth be told, I feel like I am on a slippery slope. It’s similar to walking along and suddenly hitting a patch of ice and realizing the sidewalk is crack-your-skull slippery and you can’t just be walking along without paying attention because that next patch of ice could see you on your ass.  So suddenly, you pull your head out of the clouds and focus on putting one foot in front of the other.   Whereas last year I would have gladly bought a crazy carpet and gone sledding down that slope screaming weeeee all the way down, I feel like I had my fun and now it’s time to come in from the cold and have some tea and simmer down.

That is not to say that I won’t have any fun.  I’m all about the fun.  It’s just that I’m going to have to learn to slowly reintegrate “no” into my vocabulary in favor of doing things that are in line with my purpose.

So I suppose my intention this year boils down to self-control, using willpower to accomplish a task rather than succumbing to habitual band-aid desires. I’m going to have to fight distractions and say Jeanine can’t come out and play right now, she has to submit that article or enter that photo contest or go to the yoga studio. It’s time to grab the wheel again (perhaps for the very first time), take control of my actions, my emotions, my fears and create my destiny, which isn’t going to be easy for me but I guess that’s why they call it growing pains.

I know you’ve likely answered this question a thousand times over, but I’d love to know what your word is this year?  And what do you do to stay focused?