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top 12 reasons to watch the super bowl

February 3, 2009
superbowl

This post is sponsored by beer. Beer! Life is good!

I’ve said it before, I’m not a huge sports fan, however I do occasionally join the hype.  So when my sister and her husband, biggest football fanatics I know, invited me over this past Sunday to watch the Super Bowl, I thought why the hell not?   It’s dumb fun and any excuse to drink beer on a Sunday afternoon is good in my books.  It turns out, not only was I in great company, but I rather enjoyed loved the game.  I never thought I would say this, but I actually came up with, not 10, but 12 reasons to watch the Super Bowl.   More specifically,  top 12 reasons to watch the Super Bowl at Mike & Michelle’s.

  1. Within 5 minutes of arriving (you still haven’t taken your boots off), your bro-in-law hands you a glass of beer and one of his old football jerseys to help you get in the Super Bowl spirit.  Who am I to argue?  I don the jersey and suddenly, no word of a lie, I feel like Clark Kent when he jumps into a phone booth – transformed.  Suddenly, I am eager to watch men tackle each other with brute force.
  2. Homemade chili and nachos and beer à volonté.
  3. No crying during Super Bowl.  You leave your tears at the door, so no matter how crappy you feel, you let go and have fun.  It’s a house rule.  It may even be a Universal rule, for all I know.
  4. The sappy pre-game interviews about players overcoming adversity to finally make it to where they are.  How can you not feel for Kurt Warner?  The dude worked the night shift at a grocery store, making minimum wage stocking shelves to feed his kids until he made the NFL.  He’s 37 and will probably never play another Super Bowl game in his life.  And then there’s Larry Darnell Fitzgerald playing for his mama who died in 2003 of a brain hemorrhage while being treated for breast cancer.  You run your little heart out Darnell!  And what about Tyrone Carter?  Not only is his wife paralyzed but his brother is in jail.  The story begins… “Tyrone and his brother Tank had little, but they had each other.”  Well! You might as well have Barbara Walters do the friggin’ interview.  I’m telling you, that’s some emotional stuff right there. I mean, that shit brings a tear to the driest eye in any room.  I walk to the door and throw my tears out.
  5. Luckily, there are plenty of commercials to cheer you up and tackle your funny bone.  Yes, I punned but it was somewhat intended because that is what it felt like.  One second you’re watching men in tights throw a ball and then the commercials come on and out of left field, you get the breath knocked right out of you.  You don’t even know what hit you, you’re a rolling ball of laughter on the floor.  You’ve been tackled by the man.  You know it’s big corporations marketing their shitty products and you’re certainly not one to encourage Pepsi and Doritos but damn if they don’t get you with the humor. I must admit that watching these commercials while drinking coffee at 5am doesn’t illicit the same knee-jerk reaction as it did on Super Bowl Sunday.  Was it the testosterone in the air, the beer in the belly, the chili turning into laughing gas?  Je ne sais pas.  All I know is that everything was perfectly aligned that night for several good belly laughs and if a laugh comes my way, I roll with it.  Case in point…
  6. You hear the word penetration over and over again during a football game… penetrated from both ends, tight ends, tight end is not worried about penetration.  Makes a girl with a sense of humor like a 5-year-old giggle.  And, as if that’s not enough, there’s a player who’s name is Willie Colon.  I mean come on!  Tell me that ain’t funny?  How are you doing today, Mr. Colon?  Oh.  You know!  Regular.  Bwahaha.
  7. Hearing your brother-in-law say, with pride, “Jeanine, you are learning the oddities of football with the greatest of ease.
  8. Watching Springsteen rock the house during the half-time show and sing one of my personal faves.  As Mike says, the great thing about The Boss is that he had the voice of a 50-year-old when he was in his 20s… so now, he sounds fantastic for his age.
  9. HD television.  What a difference HD makes.  You think you can tell the difference but you don’t really know until the feed changes and the view goes from HD to normal television for a few minutes and Jeff says to Mike: ” Can you believe we used to watch football like this?”  And Mike responds, in true manly fashion: “I know.  We were like cavemen.”  Boys!
  10. Poking fun at the announcers and referees.  It’s all in the name of the game.  Things you would have heard if you were a fly on the wall (or perhaps even a fly on the neighbor’s wall):
    • are you on crack?
    • go back to figure skating.
    • way to go # 24, you effin idiot.
  11. Tormenting the boys with chic repartee.
    • As they speak of Terry Bradshaw, walk into the room and say: “Oh, I just love Carrie Bradshaw.  Isn’t Sex in the City the best show ever?”  Strike One.  You get the look that says “I’m prepared to ignore that statement but please go place your estrogen by the door, next to your bag of tears“.
    • The players’ stats are no longer plain photos of yore, they are moving images, people!   Creepy, moving images, like Harry Potter picture frames.  The thing is… that’s not the kind of stuff you mention during Super Bowl.  Strike 2.  Your sister elbows you, a sign to keep it to yourself.
    • Oooh, he’s cute.”  Strike 3.  All you get is the head shake and the head shake says it all.  It is the ultimate sign of disappointment.  It pretty much revokes the statement made in #7.
  12. Belief. Belief that anything in possible, even when you think there’s no hope left.  You can always rise up minutes before the end of the game and turn it all around.

Okay Big Papa P.  This post was for you.  I think it’s worthy of a comment from my lurking bro-in-law, yes?

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. bhamgirl717 permalink
    February 3, 2009 10:38 pm

    so cute and effing funny! LOL

  2. February 3, 2009 10:40 pm

    I probably shouldn’t admit this – being a guy – but I probably enjoyed the Super Bowl on the same level you did. I didn’t even know who was playing until I arrived at the party. Everyone looked at me like some kind of idiot. Oh well…I hadn’t seen a game in years. Still, it was fun in a bizarre sort of way.

  3. February 3, 2009 10:42 pm

    Oh…and I thought the Cardinals were still in St. Louis. I’m so out of the loop…

  4. lunacyn permalink
    February 4, 2009 8:00 am

    Haha! I love the Super Bowl. It’s the only time of the year I watch football and I don’t usually know who’s gonna be playing, but I never miss it.

    This year, I got together with my girlfriends and we broke the “testosterone only” rule. We gave each other facials and did our nails while watching and cheering. It’s all about balance. 😉 A new tradition is born!

  5. Michelle Caron permalink
    February 4, 2009 11:15 am

    Super Bowl should be considered a international holiday and allow everyone to have the following day off, cause boy was I tired the next day!

    Sure glad you joined the fun!

    By the way, I LOVE the caption under the picture…Hilarious!!

  6. Alison permalink
    February 4, 2009 12:12 pm

    Sounds like you all had a great time
    I loved #11, point 1. 🙂

  7. Frannie permalink
    February 4, 2009 3:22 pm

    I’m so not a sports fan, but I do know what you mean. In a former life the guy I called my significant other was a football fan, so and we hosted more than one Super Bowl party, and it was fun, oh so much fun. But, my sweet god, I could never have described it the way you did. You make me laugh.

    And thanks for the card. Smooch.

  8. February 5, 2009 12:47 pm

    This is probably the best post that I have read on the Super Bowl. The story on Warner is always inspirational!

  9. Michael permalink
    February 5, 2009 9:33 pm

    Okay, you got me…

    Gotta’ say, I’m diggin’ your list here. And while I could probably wax philosophical for hours on the delicate nuances and existential significance of grown men trying to move a pigskin down a field, the real beauty of the sport truly lies in your #12: belief.

    Football is a game of belief, and more specifically… trust. If you’re a quarterback, you need to trust that your team-mates will protect you long enough for you to make a play. If you score a touchdown, you need to trust that your defense will stop the other team from returning the favor. If you’ve given up hope, you need to trust that your coaches will inspire you. And when all seems lost, you need to trust in yourself and your own ability to make a difference.

    Above all, what the Super Bowl represents for me is a validation of incredibly hard work, discipline, and determination. It reassures me that if you work hard at something, if you give it your all and never give up, then you’ll eventually get what you deserve.

    I think that’s a pretty good message to take through life.

    Thanks for the badass post, Jeanine. You’ve given me something to come back to when I start missing this glorious spectacle of a sport over the long off-season. Rest assured you’ll have a beer and a spot on our battered couch waiting for you next year (when the Patriots take it all).

  10. February 5, 2009 11:42 pm

    WARNING: DON’T READ IF YOU DON’T LIKE FOOTBALL

    Fenning (Mike Penning) invited me…

    I was half sober… until kick-off that is…

    Let’s start off by saying I’m a HUGE football fan. And My BIG THING when watching the Super Bowl is to be somewhere where I can enjoy the game without having people who know nothing abouth the game CHIME IN at every play, yelling “Kill him” or “Touchdown!” when in fact it’s just a “touchback”.

    So when I showed up at Fenning’s, and I saw Jeanine sitting there with a Patriots jersey, the first thing that popped into my head was “poser”. I was like “here we go, another yahoo watching the Super Bowl strictly for the commercials”…

    But as the game progressed, I could see that Jeanine was studying our maneurisms and only throwing in comments when she felt appropriate. I appreciated that, cause at the root, football is man’s game, and no “Andrea Kramer” on the sideline is going to change that.

    Although I did miss the half time show cause Michelle and Jeanine were talking about how HOT Bruce Springsteen was, by the end of the game, when the Fitzgerald ran for 60 yards for the TD, the room was electrified. Hands touched the ceiling as hearts fell to the floor.

    Unfortuantely, we all know how the story ends, and the Minnesota North Stars were crushed by the Pittsburgh Penguins as Mario Lemieux deked out Jon Casey for one of the most memorable goals in playoff history.

    The moral of the sotry is:

    Just cause you know Cinderella, doesn’t mean you’ll get her slipper.

    This has been Geoff Klein, reporting for “BGOI FILM News”.

  11. Michelle Caron permalink
    February 6, 2009 8:56 am

    Dang Michael, that is one inspiring comment, and it’s all based on football. Your good!

  12. Michael permalink
    February 6, 2009 11:26 am

    Well you sound kinda’ sexy, Michelle. Wanna’ hook-up?

  13. Jeanine permalink
    February 6, 2009 11:31 am

    yo yo. what’s up with the flirting on my blog? this ain’t lavalife. go get a room you football freaks 😉

    and klein… we all know that deep down, you’re just a pussycat 😉

  14. February 6, 2009 2:54 pm

    Yeah in all honesty I had a really great time. I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again with you schmoes 🙂

  15. February 8, 2009 2:26 pm

    This made me laugh so hard!

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