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a perfect moment

August 14, 2008

6 months ago today, as I was boarding the plane that would fly me far away from what I thought was my everything, I never imagined that I would be sitting here, at this little table under the orange stained glass lamp, in this kitchen overlooking a Montreal alleyway (have I told you about my strange love for alleyways? Stories for another day).

6 months ago today, I couldn’t fathom being apart from him for more than a few months. I thought 6 months would be pure torture… the. longest. 6. months. ever. in. the. history. of. 6. month. stretches. since. the. beginning. of. time. We’re talking about half a year. 180-something days. But it turns out that 6 months is a blink of an eye, broken heart or not.

6 months ago today, I was filled with worry and questions like where am I going to live? Where am I going to work? What am I going to do? What am I doing? I was wishing he would show up on the plane, like in the movies, and beg for me not to go and that we would start over and do it right this time and maybe even ride into some perfect sunset. But the plane took off and there was no grand gesture and tears rolled down my cheeks and before I knew it I was up in the sky flying into a perfect sunset with a heart so heavy that had I been sailing to my destination, I would have surely sunk the boat.

6 months ago today, I thought I might be writing this momentous post drunk, sobbing, self-pitying. But instead, I find myself sitting peacefully at my kitchen table with a steaming espresso and David Gray playing on the radio in the background. Most of my worries have been solved, many of my questions answered. I am living a perfect moment.

6 months ago today, as I left his arms, the Universe opened her big loving arms and took me in. I have been in her gentle embrace ever since; she has pointed me in the right direction time and time again. Tell me, how can I not believe in something bigger than myself? Why do I forget to trust that everything happens for a reason? That the past 12 years were perfect, the last 6 months were perfect and this moment, right here, right now, is just as it should be? And is it ironic or just the Universe’s way of lining everything up so that this day, which marks the 6 months since the end of my relationship also marks the wedding anniversary, the celebration of love of one of the most beautiful couples I know? I’m thinking there’s a message in there somewhere.

Happy anniversary Kat & V. May you always believe and trust in love and may you always notice the perfect moments.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. August 16, 2008 2:18 am

    🙂 this is such a beautiful post, beautiful you … xo

  2. August 16, 2008 7:29 am

    How lovely. The universe has done a bang-up job! 🙂

  3. August 16, 2008 1:33 pm

    oh Jeanine– quelle beaute!!! i am thrilled to the bone about your beautiful new home (and I know it is happy to have YOU as all that you describe in the last post of nesting and nurturing and making it vibrate with love and loveliness– makes me want to come over and sit in the coziness of what you create).

    And, what peace– what profound calm and contentment you have manifested. I am quite in awe and most inspired— you are making it all happen– I am so very glad to know you are in such a good place both physically and emotionally—-

    Gros bisous!!!

  4. August 16, 2008 8:11 pm

    this is a beautifuly written reflection…thank you for sharing. You have a gift with words.

  5. Frannie permalink
    August 17, 2008 11:37 am

    It does my heart good to know your heart is healing. I love how you grab life by the tail and shake it, my friend.

  6. August 18, 2008 2:30 pm

    A very well written piece. Also a confirmation that worry and fear are just artificial barriers to having peace of mind. Thanks for sharing.

  7. August 19, 2008 6:45 am

    Oh. You made me cry and feel happy all at the same time.

  8. August 26, 2008 3:58 pm

    There are not a lot of words that seem appropriate after reading these…but knowing that you have found some peace, perspective, contentment and a new beautiful home to call your own just makes me smile. A warm congratulations to you. xo

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